Post-election: It's ok to mourn (and some letters to some people)

My heart has been so heavy the past few days. Friends, I am deeply saddened by this election. And I am angry. And all these feelings are ok. A few thoughts for those who are replying to these emotions with "this isn't that big a deal" or "it's ok, God is still in control." I know many of these things are said with good intentions behind them, but here are a few thoughts:

The results of this election ARE a big deal. I am neither a "conservative" or "liberal," I've voted for both Republican and Democratic candidates, and I've had my candidate lose before. My sadness is not because my party or candidate lost - I genuinely don't have one. This was not a normal election, and my sadness is because a man who has sexually assaulted women (into the double digits), someone who has continually mocked those with disabilities, who has threatened the vulnerable and those of races and backgrounds different from himself....a man who perpetuates a culture of violence, cruelty, misogyny, and arrogance...this man was just elected the utmost LEADER of our country, by a good portion of our populace.

I am deeply saddened by the injustice that will be perpetuated over the coming years because of this man's policies, leadership, and influence; as a soon to be mom of a Black child, I am deeply concerned about how my son's life will be affected. I am deeply concerned about the scores of other vulnerable lives that ARE at risk now (including more unborn lives) because of our new president-elect. I hurt with my minority brothers and sisters who feel scared, hated, unwanted. And I am so, so deeply saddened that so many in our country elected this man, with all these things being known, because somehow, other things were more important. That self-preservation, self-interests, safety, comfort, security, personal economic gain, fear, hate for the opposing party...that these things mattered more. I know that every person is unique and I am not trying to group all Trump voters together - I genuinely want to know and listen to what drove you, if you are a Trump voter, and to talk through those things (More about that below). My main point now is this:

Most of us who are sad and angry about this election are not being petty, and haven't stopped trusting in God's sovereignty. I have ultimate faith in my Creator, and ultimate peace about my life and my son's life because I know He is in control. And believe me, I will be praying for our new president-elect, that God would genuinely move in his heart, grow his character, and do amazing things through him. BUT - all of that doesn't negate everything I listed above. When Christ walked the earth, he was deeply ANGERED by injustice. He WEPT over the city he loved when he saw it's brokenness. Throughout Scripture, we see God's deep sadness and righteous anger when the world is not as it should be. So as his follower, I do the same. It is completely legitimate - and even, I think, expected - that we should feel deep sadness and righteous anger when we see brokenness in our country. When injustice prevails. When things are not as they should be. So I will weep, mourn, and process - then, as Christ also exemplified, I will continue to push and act and seek his justice and his kingdom first. There will be continued moments of mourning and weeping when injustice and immorality are seen - and that's ok. There will be simultaneous respect for the highest office in our country and for our democratic process. But please believe - there will also be increased awareness for the needs of the vulnerable, fiercer defense of what is just and right, and speaking truth to power when power goes astray. I believe all of this goes hand in hand, as a follower of Christ.

A few more thoughts I've been processing through, if you'd like to keep reading :)

To Trump supporters: I'm sorry many of you felt so angry/scared/frustrated/unheard. I want to understand why. I genuinely want to hear you, to help fix the brokenness in our country, to do this together. There is a better Way. Let's talk.

To all the Black children I know and love, to my Black neighbors and brothers and sisters, to immigrants and other minorities, to refugees, to the LGBT community, to so many others who feel vulnerable and overlooked and afraid: I am so, so sorry that this is where our country is. I am sorry for whatever part I might have played in getting us here. I'm sorry for the selfishness and fear and anger and division in our culture. I am just so sorry. Know that I will continue to spend my life standing with you, fighting for you, fiercely defending you. I have your back, always.

To my Black son, who will be born in a couple months (right around inauguration day): this is not the America I know and love, and I will spend my life making it the America you deserve. I will passionately seek reconciliation and justice, so you grow up in a society that views you as the truly equal and valuable life that you are. I will defend you with all that I am, and work hard for change in our country so that one day being defensive is not necessary. You are so loved.

To the Church: brothers and sisters, this is the time. Right now. This is the time to stand up and show the world who the TRUE Church is, that we are not "American evangelicalism" as it is currently known. What American Christianity has become - this is not the true Church anymore. So let's use our voices and the power we've been given, helping push our churches and our culture the direction it needs to go, so we are truly reflecting Christ and doing the work of his Kingdom. Let's boldly stand up to the dominant "Christian" culture and to our political leaders, speaking truth to power, using our prophetic voices as God calls us - even if/when it costs us something. Our voices will be needed now more than ever, friends (https://twitter.com/i/moments/796417517157830656). Let's show our country a new Way, away from selfishness and anger and fear, away from a desire for comfort and preservation above all else. Let's lead the way in reconciliation and justice and unity, in peace and selflessness. Let's be on the front lines, defending the vulnerable against the attacks that will come, beating back the darkness. Let's let the GOSPEL truly define us - not a party or political ideology or fear. This is my hope, that this election would push us to be bold and brave and more like Christ. Our country needs us. The world needs us.

Onward and upward.

Be with him today.

"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." (Mark 6:31)

Into the early morning of November 8th.

"You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them. You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope, and without fear. I love you. Remember. They cannot take it." (Lauren Oliver)

Tomorrow there are going to be a lot of hurting people, a lot of children with dark skin who are afraid, a lot of parents not knowing what is next for their families, a lot of anger, a lot of uncertainty. So tonight I am more determined than ever to wake up tomorrow and love harder than ever before - love like I live in a world with no walls, love in a way that pushes down boundaries. I'm determined to defend the vulnerable and overlooked more fiercely than ever before, to stand steadfast in the face of injustice and hate, to be brave and kind and humble. To further peace and integrity and character. To run after the left out and unheard, as Christ runs after us. To protect the foreigner and minority, to seek equality and justice with all that I am. To further the Kingdom. To listen, to believe, to hope. To help forge a new Way, bring Christ's Gospel of reconciliation and redemption into every corner of our broken society. We as the Church have a lot of work to do - in the coming years, our country will need us more. Though it may be hard going at times, my friends, though it may cost us something - onward and upward, steadily.

To those who are afraid, who are hurting, who feel scared tonight - "I love you. Remember. They cannot take it." You are seen, you are heard. I have your back, always.

Election night.

I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. I literally feel sick. So much anger, brokenness, fear in our country that led to this.

But Christ is still on the move. Clinging to him right now. We have a lot of work to do, Church.

Election 2016!

I voted 2 weeks ago so I didn't get a sticker ;( But I obviously wore red, white and (navy) blue today to celebrate #America and #democracy and the peaceful #vote, so this is my #votie! I've already teared up several times today...thinking about the fact that we might have our first woman president (no matter how you feel about her, the fact that we couldn't even vote less than 100 years ago and now have a leading candidate who's a woman....moving and historic); seeing people in lines to vote and holding signs, thinking about how powerful it is that our voices truly make a difference; thinking that no matter who wins, we will have a peaceful transition of power. This is such a rare and beautiful thing, and even though it's been a rough election cycle, I'm so thankful for our country. I'm spurred on by all these #deepfeels, and feeling more passionate than ever for tomorrow, the day after the election- to continue to work for the change needed in our culture and systems, and to make our politics better.

As a follower of Christ, my greatest hope lies not in a certain party or candidate or ideaology- my hope lies in the redemptive power of Christ. And I cant wait to work to bring more of his powerful love and reconciliation into our world, including into the broken areas of our culture and politics. I am genuinely excited -there is reason to be hopeful, friends! We can help shift things- let's seek the Kingdom first above any party or fear, let's help form a new option, a new Way. No matter the outcome tomorrow, I'm excited to continue "onward and upward"... It's a new day to serve, to love, to bring hope and change.

So tomorrow - VOTE

So my son will not grow up with a president endorsed by the KKK, so the most vulnerable in our society are not overlooked and threatened, so we have a President that hasn't sexually harassed women and children, so we have someone in the most powerful office in the world who has self-control, so racism and ignorance and cruelty aren't promoted from the highest office in our country.....and for so many other reasons - PLEASE go vote. Please do not sit this one out because of frustration with our system or current choices. Let's do what so many around the world wish they had the opportunity to do: use our voices to help bring about a peaceful transition of power, and then continue to use our voices to push for the change we want to see in our culture and politics. The brokenness and troubling ideologies (extreme individualism, concern for my rights, my comfort, my freedoms, MYSELF, at the expense of connectedness and the welfare of our brothers and sisters, etc) in our political system, our culture, and our churches are so much bigger than just one candidate and one horrendous election. But let's take advantage of the opportunity we have tomorrow to vote, and then continue to use our voices to work for deeper, systemic, lasting change.

So tomorrow- please vote (unless you're like me and already voted!). Not along party lines, not because a certain candidate has made you afraid, or because you've heard them use catch phrases like "pro-life" and "religious liberty." Let's make sure to look at facts, to look at policies and character and track record. We must think through if an email server is as big a deal as having someone in office who brags about sexually harassing women, who mocks anyone different from him, who has pledged to implement policies that would hurt the most vulnerable. We must think through if we want someone leading our country who has filed for bankruptcy multiple times, cheated people out of millions, and avoided basic civic duties for decades.

As followers of Christ especially, we must think deeply about these things. We must vote for the candidate who is actually more pro-life, who will do more to protect ALL life; to help children after they are born as well as prevent unplanned pregnancies and other situations that lead vulnerable women to seek out abortions in the first place. We must vote for the candidate who will prevent issues that lead to poverty and situations that lead to unnecessary bloodshed. As followers of Christ, we must not vote out of a fear of losing our own comforts and privileges, when Christ actually tells us to not be concerned with those things - even to give them up (so I think concerns over religious liberty might actually be the opposite motive for how Christ would wish us to vote). As followers of Christ, we must think deeply and prayerfully about whose policies align more with Kingdom-principles (justice, reconciliation, equality, truth, compassion...), and under which candidate we will better be able to do the work God has called us to do.

(And quickly, if you're thinking of voting 3rd party - that is entirely within your right, and I respect that decision. BUT - if you live in a swing state, it's important to be aware of how 3rd party votes may benefit one of the two major candidates, and the impact that may have on the outcome of the election).

I am purposefully not aligned with any political party - but I'm really passionate about politics, because politics is about doing what's best for PEOPLE. As a follower of Christ, I am commanded to love others, to put others before myself, to further his Kingdom, to act justly and love mercy, to speak to truth to power, to help fix areas of brokenness and expose false ideologies where I see them. For all these reasons, I'm passionate about followers of Christ being involved in politics and in the public sphere, not to further a religious agenda but for the welfare of all. The Gospel of Christ should be the center of every part of our lives, including our political and public lives, and should lead us to speak out against injustice and lies, to work for change and further Gospel-truth and Kingdom-principles of justice, redemption, reconciliation, and compassion.

I'm praying for wisdom for all those heading to the polls. Vote- then join me in praying and acting to move our country forward after this election, getting to know those who are different from us, listening to those who are angry and hurting, addressing the cultural, spiritual and political issues that led to where we are today, and helping show a better Way. Onward and upward, my friends.

Baby things!

Stephen and I are starting to get our baby room organized (we've gotten so many sweet gifts and donations from people already!), and we went to get a couple decorations for the room last night. Stephen obviously got superhero paraphernalia, and this beautiful wooden thing/board was my pick. Definitely started crying in the store thinking about putting this in his room (#deepfeeler life, amiright?).....Adoption is hard and there's a lot to still figure out, but not even a question- it is SO WORTH IT. We so badly want you in our family, baby boy. You are so, so loved already

Rest

Picture from the top after a breathtaking trail run/hike in Ouray, CO (Literally- it was extremely intense, as well as extremely beautiful). So thankful for friends, mentors and, most of all, a husband who remind me of the importance of REST to better be who God created me to be and do what He has called me to do.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed.... #ADOPTION

Sooooo...I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed...Aaaaaaand we don't even have our baby yet. #Adoption #amiright?! I knew going into this that it would feel like this at times, and ultimately, I know it's good. I know it is through times like these that I'm brought closer to my Savior. But gosh, it's HARD. I've been feeling especially overwhelmed the past few days...there is just so much to do, so many logistics to take care of, paperwork, books to read, hoops to jump through for our agency, things to do to prepare to have a child - and an adopted minority child at that.

I daily have to repeat truths to myself (or listen to Stephen or friends as they repeat them to me....): God is providing us a SON; He is sovereign; He equips; we have the honor of loving and raising this child; God is making us partners with Him in His plan of redemption; it is an exciting and amazing and joyful season He is bringing us into. These are beautiful truths and I believe them and rejoice in them. I DO. But my anxious mind also so quickly goes to the fear of the unknowns, all the things we need to figure out, all my fears about parenting and the uncertainties of adoption....I literally don't know what the future looks like yet for my career, or what trauma our baby might have from his time in-utero, or how I find the racially and culturally diverse community and mentors our son will need, or how I am going to parent well when there is still so much I don't know...

And what will I do when - because I know it is not if, but WHEN - my son asks why people look at him because he is a different color than me. Why he is treated differently. Why there is such division in our country and our own community because of the way we look. My heart already aches thinking about these questions.

BUT - when my mind starts to spin, our God so quietly and graciously reminds me of the Truth: He is sovereign, He is above all, He is holy, He is kind.

And He is LOVE. But His love is not the simple emotional feeling we often associate with that word. His love is active, holy, powerful, it moves, it fights for us, it is sharp as a sword. It is a reconciling love. And I believe it is this love that fills Stephen and me, that transforms us and spurs us on, and that is preparing us even now to be the parents we are called to be. Our God moves with fire and power, and He but asks me to "be still, and know that I am God." (verse) The same God who breathed the stars into existence and who overthrows kings to defend the weak is the same God who walks with ME. All He is asks of me is that I be willing to follow him, to love as he loved, to go where he calls - trusting in his power to do more than I could "ever ask or imagine."

My prayer is that God would help me do this. And that despite the mistakes we will make as parents, that He would take us and refine us and use our little family to be a small example of His reconciling and redeeming power. That in our weaknesses, He will be made strong. That He would become greater in us, and we would become less. I BELIEVE He is designing our family purposefully and intentionally, and WILL equip us to be the parents He has called us to be. I might never feel in control or that I'm fully prepared - but that's not what He's promised me. He's promised that He will be with me, that He will strengthen and equip me, that in my weakness, He will be made strong. And that is enough.

I KNOW my God is alive, he is love, and he will work his beauty and magic in our lives and our story will play out exactly as it's supposed to. So I'm looking at this sonogram picture of our TINY little baby and marveling that God created this child for US. I cry a little most days, of course (#deepfeeler), thanking him for this life, and consciously making the choice to say YES, I am willing...willing to go where you lead, to love as you love. Then I pray some more for the faith and the strength to actually trust him above myself....and I pray for the day we'll get to bring our baby home and hold him in our arms and love him with all we are, through His mighty and fierce love in us.

Our true Helper

It's really important that as followers of Christ, we're thoughtfully and prayerfully voting, making the best decision we can, using the blessing of democracy to help further Christ's purposes. But it's also important to remember this:

"When Jesus said he would send us a Helper, he was not referring to Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. Let's keep our eyes on the prize, church" (Michael Wear)

Our salvation will never be in a political candidate. Reassuring to remember in these crazy times :) One day, Christ will return and make all things new. Let's do the best we can now, looking forward to this day:

"And when God comes, he will open the eyes of the blind and unplug the ears of the deaf. The lame will leap like a deer, and those who cannot speak will sing for joy! Springs will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams will water the wasteland. The parched ground will become a pool, and springs of water will satisfy the thirsty land." -Isaiah 35:5-7