There is this deep, excited, magical feeling I get when I read any of the books in CS Lewis' Narnia series, or listen to a song by Mumford and Sons, or look at the view on top of a beautful mountain when no other sign of civilization is in sight.
I get this same feeling when I think about Jesus, living, walking, breathing, talking to people with fire in His eyes. It's this feeling of thr reality of holiness, of glory, of Something so much bigger than myself.
I got this feeling again this week as I worshiped with other Christians at our joint Ash Wednesday service with a couple other churches. There were several moments, when everoyne around me was crying out to God as loud as they could while we were singing Psalm 51 and Amazing Grace, that I just felt this magical, wonderous feeling stirring so strongly inside me. Looking around, I just kep thinking, This is real - and praised God for it. Jesus, someone Ive heard about my whole life and work for everyday, can sometimes become a thought that I get used to. But He lived, He laughed, He touched and healed. And one day I will stand by His side and get to kneel at His feet and thank Him for the fact that He thought of me on His walk to the cross. I will get to stand at His side as He literally destroys all evil.
As I looked at everyone around me believing this same thing and visibly feeling the same feeling I was feeling, the magic of it all only left me more in awe. This is real - not only that night, but throughout centuries, believers have gathered together on Ash Wednesday and dedicated themselves to walkng with Christ through His suffering. They all believed in His reality that much. So did my fellow worshipers on Wednesday - many of whom I did not even know. Yet we were all joined by the magic of Christ - the reality of the combined love and holiness of a God who walked earth and gave Himself willingly up to suffering, for us. And because of this reality, millions of people over thousands of years repeat the same words, pray the same prayers, and dedicate themselves to walking with Him in His suffering. That is beautiful, exciting, magic. That has to be real.
It is this beauty, these moments of knowing God's reality and glimpsing Him "dimly in a mirror" (1 Corinthians 13:8-12hj...reading this chapter in Scripture is another moment I get a glimpse of another world, something so much bigger than myself) - it is these moments when I am most happy. Because it is these moments that take me outside myself. I am not focused on my selfish worries and prideful little stresses. I am in the presence of Something greater, Something that somehow simplifies myself.
So on ASh Wednesday, I was able to clearly see and committ to what God is calling me to this Lent: He is calling me to live in the magic. Train my mind on the ismple reality of Who He is, and think of myself less. This is a daily, lifelong habit that I know all believers strive for, but for me, this is especially hard. I worry,s tress, and overanaluze. I have a brain that thinks ALOT - which is a blessing when it is in God's hand, but a curse when in mine, because I just think about MYSELF too much. So this Lent, I am repenting of my selfishness, of my over-analytical, selffocsed tendencies that distract me from the beauty that is Christ and the life He has given me, and am committing myself to truly walking with Him in His solemnity and suffering this season. I am commiting to training my mind more on the glory and majesty that I once again experienced on Ash Wednesday - the beauty of God becoming man, of this Man giving Himself for me. The beauty of receiving ashes on my head, along with millions of others, reminding me of my humanity and my sinfulness and my need for Someone to rescue me. And I'm committing myself to the reality of the words of Amazing Grace that we sang at the end of the night:
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home...
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
These words fill me with that kind of hope and peace that can only come from really beleiving in the reailty of Something greater than yourself. They remind me that this is real. This wonderous, magical feeling that comes when I am comptely confident that there is Something greater than the hurt in this world and the importance I've given myself and my mistakes. I think this feeling can best be descirbed by verse 12 of Psalm 51, which we read at the service. The "joy of my salvation" fills me, overwhelms me, makes everything so much more beautiful and simple. This Lent, I repent of my selfishness and committ to walking with Christ through His time of suffering, learning to keep my mind trained on Him, letting Him convict me, refine me, teach me - and letting everything else in my life flow from that. And I know as I learn to train my mind on His reality, that His magic - the "joy of my salvation" that He gives me and that we will fully celebrate on Easter - will only increase everyday.
Which means more of my other-worldly Aslan, Mumford and Sons, Ash Wednesday, majestic mountain-top experiences....it's just so much better thinking more about Jesus.
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