Believing in the resurrection more than the darkness

My parents and Stephen's parents generously took us to the beach for vacation last week, during which I was able to spend some much-needed time resting and reflecting. I was able to spend a lot of time praying through why I've felt so heavy lately - so burdened. Burdened to the point of sickness and depression - even though I have a wonderful husband, wonderful friends, and genuinely feel that I am living the way God has called me to live and doing what He has called me to do.

But I just feel so deeply sometimes, and it's overwhelming. My heart hurts for the broken and hurting and lonely so much that I feel sick to my stomach many days. There are days I succumb to what Satan wants - to trying not to care or feel compassion because it just hurts too much. But as my husband and others close to me remind me, my "deep feels" are from Christ. This is Christ. We are not called to feel compassion and do justice because it is popular or good. Feeling compassion and desiring justice are things that all followers of Christ should feel because this is what Christ felt. This is his very heart. So it is good that God has been molding my heart to feel more as his feels. Christ wept for others and was sick at heart for this world, so I should be too.

But - I am often downtrodden in a way Christ wasn't. And from looking at his example, it's become clear to me why: while Christ acknowledged the very real power of Satan in this world and wept over it, he also always acknowledged God's stronger power, and drew on this power to actively push back the darkness around him.

And as I am called to be like Christ in all ways, I am called to be like him in this way also. This is the answer to the weight in my heart. I MUST believe in God's power as much as I believe in the darkness I see all around me. Christ believed in this power and changed the world with his life, his death and his resurrection. And with his resurrection he passed on the power of life over death to all who believe. The power of his resurrection is stronger than Satan's darkness.

The power of evil is real, yes - and it is heartbreaking. As Christ wept over it, we should weep. But Christ also fought this evil with His every word and action and finally defeated it with His death and resurrection. And this same power lives in us - so this means we can defeat the darkness too. We just must believe in his power. The same power that defeated all evil once and for all and raised Christ to life is the same power I am called to draw on today. Amazing. If I truly believe the resurrection is real, it changes everything.

I can get off my knees after weeping and act with faith in God's power. I can act to further Christ's justice and redemption in the world with the knowledge that God WILL move and WILL win in the end. Our work is not in vain. He is at work in us and through us and around us to make all things new, and He will bring His good work to completion. We may not see it everyday, but Light is winning.

As I start to feel the sick feeling of darkness creeping over me, I need only follow the example of the father in Luke chapter 9 did: "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."

I can pray fervently, then get off my knees and walk in the resurrection power of Christ, crushing the darkness with each step I take.

"In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

-John 1:4-5