Leaving DC, and standing firm

We're not supposed to save the world.

I've known this theoretically - but of course I've still tried. And failed. And gotten exhausted and discouraged and weary and broken-hearted. As this cycle has repeated many times over the past few years, God has gently reminded me over and over that it is He who saves, and all he asks of me is that I simply be willing to be used by him, whatever that may look like. He asks that I just stand firm, and watch him work wonders around us and in us and through us (2 Chronicles 20:17). THIS is how the world is changed: we are called to stand in Him, to stand for the broken, to stand in love and just and mercy, to stand in faith. 

"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you..."

There is a lot of darkness in the world, and it is really hard to not let that overwhelm us. Throughout my time in DC, I've seen it firsthand. A little boy I love is not in the best situation, despite everything I tried to do for him and his family. I saw the injustice and brokenness in our social systems, our culture, and our government through this situation. My heart broke - and still breaks - when I think of him and miss him. And when i think of so many precious children like him. I struggle to get out of the darkness a lot of days, if I'm being honest. I hurt so much for God's children, his people, who are suffering, who are in darkness, who do not know Him and the life he desires for them.

I've tried to get out of this darkness on my own, and rid the world of darkness on my own as well. I've tried - and still try sometimes, because I'm me - to save the world myself. And it doesn't work. This is not my battle to win. It is His strength, His power that is stronger than the darkness. It is his power that changes things - and I've seen it. My power has failed many times, but I've seen his power do beautiful things. Though everything is not how we wish it would be after our years here in DC, we have seen God work miracles where we could not. We have seen how he loves his children so passionately, and where he used us to be his hands and feet when we had nothing left in ourselves. We have seen him fight. In him, we have hope. 

His power is stronger than the darkness we see all around us. He has saved us and is continuing to work even now, furthering his redemption and mercy and justice. It is not on me to save all the kids in my city or all the people in the world. It is not on me to drive out all the darkness. Christ has already defeated evil and he is at work today driving the darkness back. It is in His power that the world is changed. What God calls me to do is stand firm in Him, acting in His power, moving in his grace. He just asks that I be willing.

So that is why we are picking up and moving across the country. We feel God calling us to Colorado, so we go. He asks that we be willing to be used by him, to be available to go and do whatever he asks of us - to follow His heart to the ends of the earth, no matter how far or how hard. It is a beautiful thing that God desires to use US to further his hope and redemption - to help change the world. We are not hopeless OR helpless - we can join him in moving throughout this world, in pushing the darkness back. So even though we're not exactly sure of all the details of this next season, that's ok. God doesn't expect - or want us - to have it all figured out. He just asks us to be willing to follow Him, wherever he leads. To love through the darkness. To show his light to the world. He is making and will one day make ALL things new -though much of the world is dark and uncertain, we follow him.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)

This summer I'll be leaving DC a little older, a lot less confident in myself, a lot more confident in my Savior, and more passionate than ever about our role as Christ's followers in standing with Him in His work. In Him, we have hope for deep and lasting change, and we are called to help bring this change to the world through His power in us. One day we WILL see Him face to face. My heart burns for that day.  Until then, I passionately seek Him and seek to love as He loved, whatever that looks like and wherever that leads.

Practically, God is already opening doors and making things clearer: We've always had a pull to CO, to the mountains, to be in a place where both of us experience God, his hope and rest and holiness in a deeper way. The work we both feel called to do can be exhausting and it can be easy to get burned out - so a big reason we feel led to CO is because we'll be near creation, near places that energize us, so that we are better able to pour ourselves wholeheartedly into what we are called to do.

We also are deeply passionate about helping others experience the hope of Christ - and have a vision to do this through starting some type of school or camp near the mountains someday, with a focus on outdoor leadership development and sports. We desire so deeply for kids who have never experienced the hope of God when looking at the majesty of the mountains to have a chance to experience that.

In the next few years though, Steve and I are both excited to continue to learn and grow in the gifts God has given us and the areas we feel Him calling us to serve, in our new community in CO. Stephen has already been offered a job at one of the best national charter schools, and will be joining the amazing team at KIPP Denver this fall. I can't wait to see him continue to love and invest in children inside and out of the classroom, and to see all that he will learn through this new job.

I am still figuring out exactly what I will be doing in this new season - and I'm ok with that, which is huge coming from this big-picture, visionary person, who has been trying to change the world since she was 10 :) To not know all the details of what's next, to recognize I don't have the control or the power to save...it's scary. But it's good, because that controlling, fearful, prideful part of me has to die (before the resurrection can happen, there has to be death). To be made more like Christ, these parts of me need to die. I know there will be days I'll continue to try to do too much on my own, where I'll fail to trust in God's power - but as Ann Voskamp says, each time I'll learn to fail a little better: "Learn how to die daily…Try again, fail again, fail better."

I can't know all the details, none of us can. But even as God has been teaching me how little I can truly do on my own, he has also been strengthening the passions and visions He has given me  - and helping me understand how to truly hope and rely on his power. So although I don't know all the details, I am more sure than ever of a few things:

I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I (that Steve and I together) are called to love deeply, to live humbly and justly, to sacrifice bravely. I am called to love God, my husband, and the hurting and overlooked. I am called to live beyond myself, to go bravely where God calls me, to pour myself out for others. I am called to defend the most vulnerable, speak up for those without a voice, use every breath and every blessing God has given me to further His Kingdom. I am called to take the hurting in my arms. To pray, to weep as Christ wept and then act in faith, boldly using all He has given me to share about the hope we have in Christ and to further His redemption where He places me. I am called to live simply, to live differently, to follow Christ's example and bring a little more of the Kingdom to come to earth now. I am called to address the deeper, systemic injustices that lead to a lot of the pain and inequality we see. I am called to foster and adopt. I am called to further holiness and beauty around me. Wherever God puts us, wherever we go and whatever stage we're at in life, we can know we are called to live for more - to seek more of Christ and become more like Him, to reflect glimpses of heaven to the world around us, to point people toward Hope.

I have moments where I'm really sad when I think about leaving our community, our friends and family who love us so well, and the comfort we have here in DC. But we know from the past few years that following God's calling is often really hard - it causes us to go where we are stretched and pushed beyond what we could ever do on our own. Following Christ "is a life of constant interruptions" (as Bob Goff says). We are called to go where He asks, for the sake of the Cross. We are called to live as He lived and love as he loved - and this might mean discomfort at times. It WILL mean constant interruptions, constantly being pushed out of our comfort zones. But we also know this is where He is seen most in our lives, where we are made more like him and taken from "glory to glory." So we go - to Colorado now, who knows for how long, seeking to love boldly and passionately each step of the way, and trusting God for the rest.

Family and friends, thank you for being so supportive as we've discerned what's next for us. It's so hard to think about moving away from many of you, but we know the relationships we have will last a lifetime, and our network is now just expanding across the country :) So come visit - or join us...

"Intimacy with God may require leaving our comfort zones."

- Joanna Weaver

"The greatest thing is, at any moment, to be willing to give up who we are in order to become all that we can become."
- Max De Pree