Rest

Picture from the top after a breathtaking trail run/hike in Ouray, CO (Literally- it was extremely intense, as well as extremely beautiful). So thankful for friends, mentors and, most of all, a husband who remind me of the importance of REST to better be who God created me to be and do what He has called me to do.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed.... #ADOPTION

Sooooo...I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed...Aaaaaaand we don't even have our baby yet. #Adoption #amiright?! I knew going into this that it would feel like this at times, and ultimately, I know it's good. I know it is through times like these that I'm brought closer to my Savior. But gosh, it's HARD. I've been feeling especially overwhelmed the past few days...there is just so much to do, so many logistics to take care of, paperwork, books to read, hoops to jump through for our agency, things to do to prepare to have a child - and an adopted minority child at that.

I daily have to repeat truths to myself (or listen to Stephen or friends as they repeat them to me....): God is providing us a SON; He is sovereign; He equips; we have the honor of loving and raising this child; God is making us partners with Him in His plan of redemption; it is an exciting and amazing and joyful season He is bringing us into. These are beautiful truths and I believe them and rejoice in them. I DO. But my anxious mind also so quickly goes to the fear of the unknowns, all the things we need to figure out, all my fears about parenting and the uncertainties of adoption....I literally don't know what the future looks like yet for my career, or what trauma our baby might have from his time in-utero, or how I find the racially and culturally diverse community and mentors our son will need, or how I am going to parent well when there is still so much I don't know...

And what will I do when - because I know it is not if, but WHEN - my son asks why people look at him because he is a different color than me. Why he is treated differently. Why there is such division in our country and our own community because of the way we look. My heart already aches thinking about these questions.

BUT - when my mind starts to spin, our God so quietly and graciously reminds me of the Truth: He is sovereign, He is above all, He is holy, He is kind.

And He is LOVE. But His love is not the simple emotional feeling we often associate with that word. His love is active, holy, powerful, it moves, it fights for us, it is sharp as a sword. It is a reconciling love. And I believe it is this love that fills Stephen and me, that transforms us and spurs us on, and that is preparing us even now to be the parents we are called to be. Our God moves with fire and power, and He but asks me to "be still, and know that I am God." (verse) The same God who breathed the stars into existence and who overthrows kings to defend the weak is the same God who walks with ME. All He is asks of me is that I be willing to follow him, to love as he loved, to go where he calls - trusting in his power to do more than I could "ever ask or imagine."

My prayer is that God would help me do this. And that despite the mistakes we will make as parents, that He would take us and refine us and use our little family to be a small example of His reconciling and redeeming power. That in our weaknesses, He will be made strong. That He would become greater in us, and we would become less. I BELIEVE He is designing our family purposefully and intentionally, and WILL equip us to be the parents He has called us to be. I might never feel in control or that I'm fully prepared - but that's not what He's promised me. He's promised that He will be with me, that He will strengthen and equip me, that in my weakness, He will be made strong. And that is enough.

I KNOW my God is alive, he is love, and he will work his beauty and magic in our lives and our story will play out exactly as it's supposed to. So I'm looking at this sonogram picture of our TINY little baby and marveling that God created this child for US. I cry a little most days, of course (#deepfeeler), thanking him for this life, and consciously making the choice to say YES, I am willing...willing to go where you lead, to love as you love. Then I pray some more for the faith and the strength to actually trust him above myself....and I pray for the day we'll get to bring our baby home and hold him in our arms and love him with all we are, through His mighty and fierce love in us.

Our true Helper

It's really important that as followers of Christ, we're thoughtfully and prayerfully voting, making the best decision we can, using the blessing of democracy to help further Christ's purposes. But it's also important to remember this:

"When Jesus said he would send us a Helper, he was not referring to Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. Let's keep our eyes on the prize, church" (Michael Wear)

Our salvation will never be in a political candidate. Reassuring to remember in these crazy times :) One day, Christ will return and make all things new. Let's do the best we can now, looking forward to this day:

"And when God comes, he will open the eyes of the blind and unplug the ears of the deaf. The lame will leap like a deer, and those who cannot speak will sing for joy! Springs will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams will water the wasteland. The parched ground will become a pool, and springs of water will satisfy the thirsty land." -Isaiah 35:5-7

Hope

One of my biggest prayers through this election season. Come on, Church. We are meant to be more.

"Could this be the year God rips off partisan blinders, strips away political idolatries, and plants the seed of a new prophetic witness? Hope." (Trevin Wax)

He came to make us BRAVE

"When the calling of God is scary, we lead by remembering that Jesus did not come to make us safe; He came to make us brave."

-Gary Haugen

The election...and what I think it actually means to be "pro-life"

SO. I've had this burning in my mind to say for awhile, and after thinking and praying and praying some more, felt like it was time to say it. The following is meant to provide some information, but it also has some of my opinion in there as well. My intention though is NOT to tell anyone who to vote for. That's a decision you need to arrive at for yourself after research, thought, and prayer. But in the interest of helping with that research, I wanted to provide some info.

I've had several conversations with people about how the main issue they care about is abortion, and the candidate they will vote for, regardless of anything else, is the "pro-life candidate."

BUT. It is one thing for a candidate - or anyone - to say they are pro-life, but what are they actually DOING to promote and protect life? ALL life. Unborn and born. This is an important question to ask ourselves if we say we are pro-life, and an important question to ask as we are looking at our presidential candidates and their policy plans, statements, and current and past actions.

Statistically, abortion rates have (wonderfully) gone down the past few years because of some basic improvements in women's access to healthcare. It is the presidents who have promoted basic access to healthcare and also reduced poverty rates who have been the ones to actually reduce abortions. (Statistically, it has actually been under Democratic presidents that abortion rates have decreased; they have increased or remained stagnant under Republican presidents). I've voted for both Republicans and Democrats - I do not consider myself part of either party, and am not trying to promote one over the other here. This is just important info to be aware of and consider.

In this election, from his actions, words, and the few policy positions he's stated, I think it is safe to predict (my opinion, but I think there is a lot of evidence to back it up) that Trump would actually cause abortion rates to increase rather than decrease. Trump changed his position to "pro-life" when he decided he'd have a better chance winning the Rep. nomination than the Democratic one. His whole adult life, he has been pro-choice. Based on his past actions, current comments and attitudes toward women, children and the most vulnerable, I believe he would do nothing to actually reduce abortions while he is in office. Neither candidate will be able to overturn Re v. Wade - and I don't think it's overturning Roe that will actually make a huge difference in the number of women seeking an abortion anyway. It is addressing the issues that cause women to seek abortions that will actually REDUCE abortions. I don't think we should be single-issue voters - there are a lot of other LIFE issues that are important as well. But if abortion is the issue that will determine who you vote for, it's important to not vote based off who SAYS they are "pro-life", but based off who has policies that will actually reduce poverty levels and increase access to healthcare - and who has a track record of actually DOING things that decrease the abortion rate.

Trump has no stated plans to to anything about poverty levels and better access to healthcare, especially for low-income populations. The few policy positions he has would actually hurt low-income women. Hilary is far from perfect of course, but based on her stated policy positions and track record in office, I firmly believe she will do much more than Trump to actually reduce abortions. She has, and I believe will continue to, push for policies and programs that assist low-income women, providing healthcare and education. Additionally, and very importantly, she also promotes policies that care for children AFTER they are born: parenting resources and education for low-income single parents; education equity for low-income children; access to healthcare and housing; job resources, and much more are all indicators that Hilary will actually do more to protect and promote LIFE than Donald Trump.

If we call ourselves pro-life, we need to be pro-ALL life and look at ALL the issues, and which candidate will actually do more to protect life across the board. For children who are in-utero and those who are outside the womb, for the most vulnerable in our society (who God repeatedly tell us throughout Scripture to especially look out for)- the elderly, the poor, the immigrant. Which candidate will lead us into the least amount of conflicts that will cost lives? Which candidate will do more to reform our education system so all children have a fair chance to break out of harmful cycles? Which candidate will allow us as followers of Christ to better further his purposes of justice and peace and redemption? No candidate should be looked at as our savior - but our true Savior does command us to further his work on this earth, so we should look at which candidate will enable us to best do that.

Lastly, this is something that hurts my heart, that literally causes me to weep with anger and sadness and frustration many days: for those of us who call ourselves pro-life - do we get as angry and torn up and heartbroken about our children who are outside the womb as those who are in it? Do we know that God values these little lives just as much once they are outside the womb? That these children also need a voice, someone to speak for them?

Why is it that people rush to the steps of the Supreme Court to protest Roe, but aren't rushing to their local social services office to foster or adopt one of the THOUSANDS of kids out of foster care that are currently waiting for a home? I can't put into words the heartbreaking life so many of these kids lead. Why is foster care not an equal pro-life issue that determines our vote? Why are we not advocating for THESE kids who are forgotten and overlooked and have no voice? I work for a child and family services agency and we get over 20 calls a day (no exaggeration) from the county, asking if we have beds for kids to sleep in - because there aren't enough families willing to take kids in. In DC, I saw firsthand children who were left in dangerous situations because social workers literally didn't have homes to put them in, so they marked their file "not quite bad enough to be removed."

Friends, this should make us WEEP. It makes my heart burn everyday. If we call ourselves pro-life, we must rush to our local social services offices, to our local school and shelters and struggling neighbors, the same way we rush to Facebook to defend the unborn. It is easy to say we are pro-life; it is harder to actually DO. But this is our calling.

And when we have two candidates who, in reality, are both pro-choice, we must look at their other policy positions and measure who will do the most to reduce the reasons many women turn to abortion -and who will do the most to protect ALL life, both born and unborn.

I know this is a tough election for most of us, and again, I am in no way telling anyone who to vote for. Besides our two leading candidates, there are several 3rd party candidates to look into (though I have some serious hesitations about voting 3rd party this election), and a lot of questions and factors we all need to seriously think and pray through for ourselves. But I'd be happy to talk with anyone about where I'm at and my own thought processes - I'm still very much praying and thinking through things, and welcome good discussion/questions/dialogue (I'd also be happy to provide resources for the facts I mentioned as well). Thanks for reading :)

Glory

"Come and see what the Lord has done...He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God...'" (Ps.46: 8-10)

What we should be getting angry about instead of Colin Kapernick

Though I don't care a ton about football, I am attempting to be excited with my husband for the first Broncos game tonight ;) It also reminded me of something I was thinking about posting...I don't have strong opinions on Kapernick and his decision not to stand for the national anthem, but after thinking and praying through some things, thought I'd just share the below 2 thoughts:

- #Blacklivesmatter and racial injustice are crucial matters that we need to be talking about, and though I wouldn't personally choose to draw attention to these things through sitting during the national anthem, Kapernick has every right to. We are truly, incredibly blessed to live in a country where he can show his disagreement in such a way. It is for this very freedom that our veterans fought, and I think most would agree that this is Kapernick's right, and the beauty of our country (and many have come out publicly in support of his actions). And it is your right to disagree with him - but before we burn jerseys and spend hours of our day being angry with him instead of productive at work or whatever, I would personally say we should spend more time focusing on how blessed we are to have the freedom we have, and then move on to other things (like possibly the issue I'm about to mention):

- Second, as my friend Kerry said: "...people freak out about one guy making a political protest by sitting during the national anthem, while a giant bill that would have provided multiple services for actual veterans was defeated. This, to me, is ACTUAL disrespect for our troops. The hell advocates had to go through to get legislation passed to care for 9/11 first responders is ACTUAL disrespect for our police, fire and EMS. No one's actual life was affected by Colin's actions. But millions of lives are affected by our government's unwillingness to put their money where their hypocritical mouths are. Stop with the open letters and burning of jerseys and ask yourself- what are YOU doing to support our troops, police, EMS, if it matters so much to you? How about writing a letter to your senator demanding an answer as to why they couldn't figure out how to get the below bill passed?" AMEN. As a follower of Christ before an American, I believe I'm called to be angrier about this - and ACT on behalf of our vulnerable veterans - than about Kapernick and sitting down.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/02/27/veterans-legislation-bernie-sanders-senate/5859217/

Thinking of my son

People weren't made to become hashtags.

A few years down the road, Terence Crutcher could be my son - driving home or to work. My heart mourns today as deeply ingrained fear and prejudice cause another innocent life to be taken. My heart breaks and fears for my son and all those I love whose lives are more at risk simply because of the color of their skin.

BUT - "in Him, all things hold together." We can ALWAYS hope. No matter how dark, how broken, how hopeless things seem, the powerful, reconciling love of Christ is stronger than any prejudice or fear, and He is at work in us and through us even now - working to bring Light into darkness.

My prayer is that we would not ignore the brokennsess around us, but RESPOND by bringing Christ's reconciling love and deep hope into it. That we would work for change, for reform, knowing that this is exactly what Christ calls us to do - to bring healing where there is brokenness, hope where there is fear, reconciliation where there is division. My prayer is that we would be thankful for the good things in our country while working to change the bad, always hoping, living in the power of Christ that can do "more than we could ever ask or imagine." I hope and BELIEVE that by the time my son is old enough to drive home from school or work, he won't have any more reason to fear than his white friends.

#reconciliation #blacklivesmatter #TerenceCrutcher #justice

Black Lives Matter

I am ANGRY, friends. And I believe it's a righteous anger that God wants us to feel, because HE feels it. Innocent people are literally being gunned down. My friends, my brothers and sisters, my future children - we MUST let ourselves feel God's righteous anger and ACT to bring the change He desires. While privilege, systemic racism, racial injustice- they are REAL and it is our CALLING to work tirelessly to abolish these evils. Let's do it.

#seekjustice #blacklivesmatter


"Hands up, weaponless, car stalled, body limp from being tased — nevertheless, don’t forget: The shooting of #TerenceCrutcher is not primarily about his innocence. It’s about presumed criminality, institutionalized fear, disproportionality of violence, and, most of all, the inherent, inestimable value of a black man’s personhood. Because the life of even a “bad dude“ should never be so easily discarded."  (Pastor Duke Kwon)